Exactly. All of us sinners go to hell and get nothing while all of the goody two shoes get to go to heaven where its all pink floyd, lasers, and pot.
Seriously. There are at least 10 other people drinking at the bar with me at 10:40. Im justifying it with the fact that I've been up since 5am.
There should be a rule. If your dick is under 6 inches, you are not allowed to dress as Thor.
I just farted and its sounded like it was disappointed in me.
I'm in the fetal position watching the little mermaid and trying not to die. When do you come home?
Guess who's the proud owner of her very own foxtail butt plug!!
He sent me a dick pic for every page I had to write for final papers (87) & brought me adderall. Tell me that isn't romance.
I passed out drunk in her bed. Her boyfriend showed up and told me to go to the other room or we were gonna have a threesome. I threw up off the side of her bed and left. I feel like that was an adequate response.
he had DANDRUFF in his PUBES. 0/10 would not blow again.
She was giving me head, and a cop pulled up next to us. I freaked when he looked over at me, but so did he and rear ended the car in front of him.
Maybe life is about finding the person you DO want to cuddle with after they rail you like a porn star
Dude, some chick came over here earlier and thought my lube was hand sanitizer. She poured it all over her hands.
Unexpected pussy is the best kind. Never expected to get any from a stranger at my little brother's bar mitzvah.
Mazeltov!
You showed up at 4 am holding a beer and wearing a wig you apparently found in the dumpster.
That explains some things...
We're playing drunken roulette. We're taking exlax followed by shots. First person to shit themselves loses!
Randomize
