You even been so high breaking up weed with your fingers feels like surgery?
Change your flight to Denver. That's where my penis is.
I just used my 7th grade year book to figure out who I hooked up with last night. Being home is magical.
Amanda Bynes on the cover of maxim is my 8th grade masturbation fantasy come to life
No see this is how It goes: guys will fuck virgin girls. But girls don't really want to fuck virgin guys. So you're good have no fear.
Dude, she found the red hair dye from 4th of July. then she proceeded to give you a red mohawk for a more patriotic thanksgiving eve. How do you not remember that?
The less money I spend on drugs, the happier my mom will be.
You screamed "there will be blood" and punched some random guy in the face. So no, we can't go back to that bar.
And then my hands went numb and no one believed me so I started putting peoples cigarettes out on them. Shitty idea i'll tell you that much
I decided to do drugs in front of her because if anyone can handle the truth it's a ghost
All his ex-girlfriends are delicate flowers, tho. And I'm like a trash compactor.
I wouldn't worry about it. You know what they say, THICK THIGHS MAKE THE DICK RISE.
Hold on, I'm taking nudes in a blanket fort right now
Have you ever looked at someone and thought…oh honey, you're too pretty for an ankle monitor
Oh. My. God. I. Am. Going. To. Punch. Someone. In. The. Face. Immediately.
You started singing Baby Shark, screamed you have no idea how it goes, then somehow turned the beat into Bohemian Rhapsody
Randomize
