Sorry about teling your dad i'd have sex with him last night in front of your mom while i was drunk
When i asked him what happened all he said was, the toucan... the toucan... over and over again.
I made him hve sex with me in the elevator so that I could put my finger down in never have I ever.
You peed in the parking lot while a car was was waiting behind us. And when people walked by you proceeded to say "careful you might slip"
could hear acupuncture therapist getting blown in the next room over the whale music
The venue for the new years party is close to the hospital for obvious reasons.
I figure that my generation of my family needs an alcoholic. I'll take that burden.
I vaguely remember stopping for a bag of bugles and some lube and then I woke up this morning with melted chocolate on my hands. I think I love him
I've shit my pants 4 times in 12 hours... Never trust a fart when u pass 30
Dude are you wearing a trashbag right now?....
I seemed to have misplaced my pants...
Whatever I'm getting wasted, my costume's bomb, and there's a good chance I'm getting laid. Not letting stupidity ruin my night!
Then a third Canadian I didn't know showed up to the hotel room at like 3am. I let him sleep in our bed because he had pizza.
His dick is magical but I don't want to die in this blizzard do you see my dilemma
The language barrier was annoying .... So we just had sex. That is how you deal with not being able to chat isn't it???
what do u think we would be doing right now if we were together
Urinating on unicorns
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