I'm thinking of having one or both of my boobs out. They're small but they're mighty.
dude that girl has seen more cock ends then weekends
Hemmingway ran to paris to avoid going to the university of illinois and becoming a doctor. It was there he developed a drinking problem. I need a plane ticket.
you came here, splled a bunch of margaritas, hung up a picture of yourself and then left
So much for not drinking this week after this weekend.. Congratulations. U made it until tuesday.
Next time we throw a party together I would appreciate it if you didn't try to get my friends to hook up with friends of yours you know have herpes
my dad pointed to my full beer and said drink up we're leaving now.
can you adopt me?
I never notice how majestic and beautiful my cat is unless I'm blazed
hooking up with him was much more fun when i knew in the back of mind we'd get in some sort of trouble for it
You walked in wearing nothing but a beekeeper mask
You know, we cock-blocked like 5 people last night. It's like we're her vagina goalies
Simultaneously sexting while making brunch plans. Multitasking at its gayest.
Nothing to be ashamed of. I bet Oprah has sharted.
Still drunk. lying on the floor just rubbing my cats nipples
Woke up next to my vibrator and a recipe for fudge brownies. If that doesn't scream I NEED TO GET LAID, then I don't know what else could.
Randomize
