So I think I just got a job offer from the guy I used to blow. See, networking pays off.
I don't know how but I have our hotel room door handle in my purse... this can not be good
How did you get the entire couch up on it's side and into the bathroom?
His apology was sex and a subway sandwich. Strangely, I'm okay with that.
We didn't even make it to the door before they came out saying we weren't allowed in because of last time..
I am definitely the only sober one on this train. And the only one not wearing a business suit. Wow, Monday Korea.
I think if it were a part of everyone's daily routine, the world would be happier. International Finger Yourself While Bathing Day.
I'm currently sitting on the floor of a hostel reception area taking swigs of straight vodka, singing with people whose English doesn't go far beyond Lion King songs. I thought you might appreciate it.
Juss got out of jail; shes still in there tryin to sing her abc's backwards bc the cops neva asked her too... Whebever she gets to t she starts singin the tequilla song
Is it weird to say that Kobe reminds me of a wise brontosaurus?
You can fuck me but I'm keeping my parka on.
My fall semester strategy is to submit my papers with a nude selfie
You've got post-grad studies written all over you
After sex he just told me I'm definitely pregnant and it's a girl. Should I run?
He used his penis as a drumstick on my back and had me guess what song he was playing.
Guy from the bar last night left his number on my waterbill on the counter, at the bottom he put don't forget I can hook you up at Little Caesars I work their part time.
You sure know how to pick em.
Randomize
