I wanna eat
then frost
then eat your cupcake
i just broke my key off in the door of my house because the engine wasnt starting
even my farts smell like vagina
why is it that everyone in pennsylvannia gets fucking prego??
Just did shots with my boss to warm up for our sales call to Childrens Hospital. I love startups.
It's not mothers day until you're vomitting syrup into grandma's toilet. Cherish the holidays
Nothing ruins a good sext like too many emoticons
I went from innocently day drinking to waking up handcuffed in jail. Fuck you game days
Oh my Christ. I just came so hard my penis stood back up and took a bow afterwards. I need Thai food.
But you've got to admit , for how blackout I was I look fucking unreal in those pictures
I hate having to put a bra on before I go home cuz I have to pretend I actually went to class today
On a scale of one to liver failure, how bad would it be if I played thunderstruck alone?
I just gave them my two week notice. Now is the perfect time to fuck my boss's son
Was it your intent last night to burn the house down? With a waffle..
I had a good weekend too...although I cried about the dog in a drunken stupor last night...not one of my finest moments, but it's all water under the bridge.
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