My eyes are so dilated i literally have night vision right now.
just turned my empty handle of passion fruit smirnoff into a fish bowl. I love college.
I think my mom knows im high. It could be because im slow dancing with my cat in the kitchen. The dip and kiss is what gave it away.
Bonus points if someone shits their pants. Only 1/2 bonus points if it's you
Bonus points are bonus points regardless
Is it possible to just pretend that everything we did after grilling up your goldfish didn't happen?
She has the perfect pussy. Looks like a paper cut with a puff of cotton candy on top.
HE TRIED TO HIT ME WITH A CHAIR. Stoned video games are NOT happening again
I'm 99% sure I just puked glitter. Wine drunk Mondays shouldn't be a thing.
Haha, how do I word that nicely? "You got me to the edge of no return twice and failed to let me orgasm, therefore you owe me chicken nuggets or hot wings. Your decision"
I felt like I was having sex with Joffrey from Game of Thrones. Needless to say how bad it was
You have to just make a conscious effort not to make out with people when he's around if you want to keep him in your life?
I just got CPR certified, don't make me need these skills so soon
I woke up in my basement holding someone else's underwear and a bottle of mouthwash . I wish I could explain more than that but i can't remember ...
Ugh. It's days like these that make me wish my bad habits would kill me faster
I look over and the both of you are naked, and he's eating chicken nuggets off the floor
Randomize
