Does my surprise involve the use of a safe word?
Probably.
I'm in.
mmmm my 21st bday fucking sucks all my best friends are pregnant...selfish assholes. they just couldnt wait til after my bday.
i have no idea who im with but someones making meatballs. im going to stay.
My body has become completely dependent on Text Twist. I can't poop without it.
if i remember New Year's Eve then there is something seriously wrong.
Look at it this way: if he'll have sex with a tomato, he'll have sex with you.
the bottle said: caution extremely flammable. so that was my motivation.
at the hospital. the stripper fell on his face when she was trying to grab the dollar bill out of his mouth with her ass. broken nose for sure.
I have never smelled more like a drunk mariachi band than I do right now.
Whatever. I'll just fuck him now and deal with the clingyness later.
Would you and/or him be willing to dress up like the phantom, sing me music of the night and then bone the shit out of me? this is important.
I thought he put a fake swan in my yard, but no, he put a real life swan in my yard
He went snooping and now he's all intimidated by my super amazing box of sexy time toys.
Please stop calling it that.
Fucking holidays. How do I have this many men who want to fuck me and none of them are available when I'm ready to blow my top?
I've now fucked in every motel room in this small town.
Randomize
