At a strip club after monster truck rally. You should be here
So tell me more about the cum that came out of your nose
She made a guy cry in the bar. I will have her, oh yes, I will have her..
5am is far to early to be on jagerbomb number 6 right now
Sorry if I put you in that 'glad we're hanging out but I'm gonna go fuck your cousin' kind of position
Your christmas gifts are already wrapped, how on top of my shit am I?
I'm hungover as fuck and had to break into my own house by throwing a cinder block through my back door at 4am. You're more on top of your shit than me.
You know those creepy dolls that look like they are watching you from anywhere in the room? It was like that, but with his penis...
I dont know. Theres no way you can be ready for the sex hurricane that will consume you.
New carpet is nice. I'm making carpet angels. Like a fresh snowfall.
It took me fifteen minutes to go from puking on my doorstep infront of my old lady neighbor to legit presentable person able to care for children. Bronzing powder and I deserve an award.
Stormed out of the house in frustration and now I'm in public and have to take a rage dump. Today sucks.
She's really sweet and cute, but when she drinks, she becomes way too proud of her bush.
well at least you got laid last nighT. I woke up on a pile of laundry
i think i left you like a 5 minute message about the mcchicken burger i was eating. I think I called wanting sex but the mcchicken burger was a lot more seducing.
got cock blocked by the cops again. two of the cops were the same ones from that t bell incident and they recognized me... they still dont like me
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