My room smells like vodka and shame
the doormen always congratulate him in spanish as he walks me downstairs in the morning
flash back: i gave smirnoff to a group of children at walmart
Are you dead or are you taking another 13 hour nap? you need to let me know these things ahead of time so i dont worry.
I somehow ended up with a bottle of red wine in one hand and white in the other and would drink them at the same time. Ruined
Dude, someone broke the toilet seat in two, the is a pair of panties on the kitchen counter, and the entire house smells like a brewery
I cant feel my face. Like I dont even know if I have one. I wish I had a helmet
Sean getting laid is an anomaly, Sean banging the hottest single girl at the wedding is a fucking unicorn being ridden by a leprechaun walking through mordor.
Idk every story shes told me thats started with "back when i was a lesbian" has been my new favorite story
the best part was at the strip club when he said he was "here to pick up my wife. she's up on stage.....wait that's my aunt". only in Ottawa.
Woke up in a cemetery. Puked in front a funeral ceremony that was going on.
So I've decided that blue balls for lesbians is rainbow balls and the struggle is real
Like I blink, and he's face first in my vagina.
Some guy just walked past the bus stop in a lab coat and with a samurai sword and case...
Word. I want it involving like... sing-a-longs and sniffing glue.
Randomize
