Wow, t9 really hates the phrase "slap her in her sanctimonious pie-hole."
you ran down to the water at 3am and rolled in the sand and ran around screaming that you were the corn dog monster.
I SWALLOWED her nuva ring. Please tell me how your night could have been worse.
how do you feel about lunch break shots ?
Just had a tranny complement my outfit. Looks like I'll have to change before we go out.
Okay do all 29 year olds have erectile dysfunction or just the two I've slept with?
I made her orgasm until she cried. Four years of only having sex with dudes and I've still got it.
There are people taking shots out of a turtle shell.
i had a mental breakdown over a math asignment proposed to a glass of chocolate milk then burned my hands when i acidentally leaned on the stove i have the grill marks burned on my hands i can see them
its only been 20 minuts since i last saw you
Like, you've got the smoothest dick in the west. Do you moisturize?
Yes I do
Stop watching porn on my work computer.
STOP WORKING ON MY PORN COMPUTER.
You asked for his ID and then said "I am like a bouncer but for my vagina."
Don't mention it
Just endorse me for cunnilingus on LinkedIn
I got all the way to work before I realized there were Trojans in my bra.
you ate an entire watermelon by using a CD as a spoon, then proceeded to chuck the leftovers at some dudes car...
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