Uggggg i want to leave and get bombed over baghdad
I can hear my fat mexican neighbor yelling "do you like that!" ...I hope its not his dog
She recited Pi throughout ever orgasm she had....she said it was a game she likes to play...how far she gets is how she judges her lovers...I am oddly turned on by this...
I wore my underwear in the shower just in case i passed out and you had to come in and get me
I had some like war flashbacks of giving someone a handjob and i was trying to figure out who it was.
No, we have matured. We've stopped having sex in front if his room mate.
Brought him brownies before taking his pants off. I'm like the Martha fucking Stewart of booty calls. Walk of shame be damned.
Why do I love Florida? Because I just quit my job because it's too pretty a day to go to work and I'm going to the beach to eat seafood and drink beer.
I think we should go through the tsa checkpoint with raging hardons when we go through LAX. I think we should pass out some viagra to everyone
Tell me again your tentative move date. There are 5 Russians in my apartment on ecstasy and they are having a rave in my living room. I can't. I need to move stat
If you don't fuck me hard, rough, and senseless the minute we're alone in your room, I'm returning you to the boyfriend store
My eczema on my back is flaring up so he rubbed coconut oil on it while we were boning down. If that's not a picture of 8 years married I dunno what is.
Out of all the things you could eat off of my tits you choose lettuce? Thats so healthy. Yuck.
Good rule of thumb: only list personal references with whom you have hallucinated
You were so fucked you introduced me to a pile of Laundry
I wondered why I slept in the front room
Randomize
