Don't be a smartass. I'm trying to fuck a guy who's sober. It's more difficult than you think.
She gave me a BJ with my hoodie on. it was like i was blowing myself.
I didn't get a chance to take any pics but the mental snapshot of her boyfriend calling her directly after we finished was a really special moment I wish I could properly share with you.
I'll be there in a few.
I'M COUNTING TO FEW.
We're shaving superhero symbols into our pubes. I call dibs on Batman.
Hah I guess I sent that to like ten people, along with another one of me sitting in a bath tub eating an ice cream sandwich.
Got stiff armed by the garbage man on the back of the truck...I just wanted to ride one block dude
Some small part of me hopes I'm on the probationary list because of seeing the Dean at that fetish party.
Are we at that point yet where I can just say "I want you to sit on my face"? If not, want to go out for "drinks"?
I wanna get high and watch Shrek tonight...don't make me do it alone.
think before you get married my friend it's my birthday and just got done jacking off
so you 69ed him in the parking lot of your apartment
yah I won't allow him in my apartment
I remember telling you that I think Taylor Swift has stolen my essence. I still think that's true.
One door closes, one man cooks for you through the next open door
Why are you naked at 4pm?
Its my birthday, I dont have to wear clothes
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