I feel like I bought a front row ticket to watch her screw up her life
I did not just catch my dad watching porn.I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn.I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn.
I imagine my 13 hours of sleep after my 3 day upper bender was similar to Jesus rising from the dead.
There's limited edition cherry vanilla nyquil. It's like they know how much I hate myself and they're giving me a consolation prize.
Forever 21 now has a maternity line. Even more of an incentive for me to get pregnant at a young age.
Hi. I probably already told you this mid puke, but thanks again for babysitting me last night. How did I get in the car?
I wiped my blood on their walls screaming "IT'S NOT MY SECURITY DEPOSIT!"
My first drink last night was a 2-liter of jameson and coke. So hung over it hurt to put my pants back on
I'm sure I'll run in to him again, there's only so many VA detoxes.
The house hit rave levels when La Bamba came on which confuses me because I live in white suburban Canada
PARA BAILAR LA BAMBA ASSHOLES
Sunday mornings are confusing. Like. I can't decide if I want to go for a run or start drinking
Oh you know, the usual. We had a good date, I took her back home, she took off my pants, laughed, and left.
Your vagina is like Nancy Drew lately.
I’m lazy so obviously looking like a rotisserie chicken is my favourite position
Where are all your bongs? Your Dad wants to make sure they're put away before his family gets here.
Umm....in my room, on my closet, under the bed and behind my laptop.
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