he said i'm too pretty to suck penis
I'm totally counting that party when he kept putting his hands down my pants as a date.
True Life: I hate vaginal excretions
i'm having taco bell mild sauce and tums for breakfast because i'm hungover and thats all i can find. it's like thanksgiving up in here
Just because you graduated a semester early, doesn't mean you can take a semester off of drinking. Sorry.
Apprently after I bit that bouncer, it all went down hill.
You'd think somebody who rolls blunts like jesus himself could roll a god damn burrito
Def something wrong w taking plan b with your daughters juice box
If you're mature enough to fuck him you're mature enough to tell him you don't want a relationship come on
if elf comes on TV one more time i swear to god i will smash my brains out with this fruitcake
I just laughed so hard that my back cracked so hard that I thought I was cumming. Magic
A girl just invited me over for a blowjob and beer. Is this a trap?
You know Sunday Funday was a success when 'puke and rally' came at lunchtime on Monday.
Shriek
1. so the new neighbor u called dibs on.. I'm sorry..but not really. 2. She lactates, I guess that happens when you have a kid less then 5 months ago.... WTF!! 3. Is it fucked up I'm craving Ceral & Milk now?
When dealing with embarassing medical issues, don't you want your brother's wife to be the one fishing around up your ass?
Randomize
