He kept asking me to take off my bra and I sat up so he could. He fumbled with it for a few minutes and when I sighed and went to undo it he goes, "Yeah, you got this."
I cant help but queef when the male extremity enters
What is a male extremity?
i didnt realize it was that long since you've had sex
so my 6 year old came home from school and asked me if he was a bastard cause the kids at school called him one, i told him to call them a clit. those parents will hate me
I told her i was enlisting in the air force tomorrow.....it was like the activation code to her vagina
i decided to cut a 3rd hole in to my snuggie so i could masturbate all the time.. all time low? or genius?
we can't become the bulimic house in the complex dude. Besides, you need teeth for your career.
Dude, fuck the siberian warm up. You can't put vodka in hot chocolate. Learn from my mistakes
Watched an eagle swoop down and eat a rabbit on my walk back from your place, literally too high to handle this right now
I have a tattoo that says Yolo. You should not have been asking my advice in the first place
My skirt was too short for the church and I brought my flask to the Scrooge play. God bless us, everyone!
She referred to my balls as rotund and handsome
i just has to use a gift card to Target that one of my students parents got me to buy Plan B bc my bank account is -$0.08 so my 2017 is starting exactly how i pictured.
I was not drunk enough for that final.
I need to stop being so honest when I'm drunk. I got proposed to by a stranger again last night. It's not my fault that I would be perfectly ok making sandwiches and giving blow jobs for the rest of my life.
My son's girlfriend just thanked me for having good penis genes.
Randomize
