I got date raped at Sigma Chi last night!
Dude, you never made it to Chi last night. You fell into a tree and passed out.
Give me a few hours to remember what being sober feels like.
He woke up licked his hand and put it on my vag and went back to sleep. This is twice this week and its only wednesday
That combination of brocholi bacon eggs cheese ketchup and pasta would have been a revaltion had you not thrown up on the stove and put out the pilot light
drunk waterpark is besst waterpark.
No but the chipped one is crooked now. Clearly I didn't use my hands to break my fall. I used my face
I WOKE UP IN A FUCKING DOG BED HOW DO YOU THINK I FEEL
Hi I am too sober and out of rum. Translation: I owe you some beer. Also, get better taste in beer.
I'm more than my video games and dildo collection
Something like; Dear Cupid, when are you going to send me someone to date that isn't a complete psychopath
On a scale of 1 to shit show you were "i just pissed myself"
Instead of going to my moms birthday party I went over and gave him head. I should win non girlfriend of the year award
Btw that $18 I gave you to run around outside naked came out of your wallet.
I'm sittin in my Hawaiian shorts watching the office eating cold asparagus. wow do I suck when you're not here.
Come over. Bring drugs. My sister is making cookies. She took Valium. They should be badass cookies.
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