I could make wine with my vomit
Brickbreaker makes my post drinking poops that much better. Sorry, I had to tell someone who might agree.
is the shake weight an appropriate valentine's day present?
I faked it too. I just spit on your bed.
She's in Spain. I'm in Holland. World Cup Final is Sunday.
Dude, it's like the Romeo and Juliet of FIFA.
I couldn't sleep so I drunk ellipticaled for an hour. Worst. Idea. Ever.
Should I feel guilty that my husband is cheating on his girlfriend with me? I mean, we're not divorced yet so I still have dibs, right?
there is vodka in my soul right now. The vapor is coming out my nose.
Ew. After that you just pretty much proved that your vagina is the reason why my vagina needs two toilet seat covers when peeing in public restrooms
You told her that she shouldn't be allowed to wear clothes then when her roommate asked if you like her you said "no I just want to insert things into her"
I stand by it.
My brain is like scrambled eggs. If scrambled eggs were trying to escape out of my skull through my forehead.
The tequila covers up the fact that the choco liquor tastes like sadness.
This drunk lesbian I just met keeps trying to shove sushi in my mouth. Help.
My vagina is no longer accepting new clients.
I just drunkenly emailed my feminist dissertation as a resignation letter for my call center job. What am I doing with my life!?
Randomize
