Turns out "bordello" doesn't mean what I thought it did.
it only takes four glasses of wine for me to ride an elephant with a stranger.
i no longer even have beer goggles. i'm pretty sure i blacked out and had beer lasik.
never thought i'd see a ''climb of shame'' until she came down from the attic in front of the whole party..
thanks for stopping by when you did. making a meatball quesadilla while high was a bad choice
She nearly killed the mood when she said "Don't cum on my spray tan"
Did I at antime last saturday slip away and sign up for a prayer circle?
I feel like I just lived out a children's book called "The Day I Went to Law School Stoned"
As I was throwing up blood I assured concerned onlookers that I had simply "eaten a lot of ketchup today"
His penis contains the glue that keeps this relationship together.
At the start of the night I was all 'come at me universe' and three hours later I was ordering an extra large pizza in bed in the dress I had gone out in. Well played universe.
I either have a razor blade lodged in my throat or I've been drinking entirely too much Evan Williams.
I don't care how great the sex was, I cannot unsee what has been seen. I regret ever stalking his Facebook.
He seems like a nice guy. I mean, I know he's married and he's essentially paying me to be his side hoe, but he really seems like a good person.
if anyone breaks out the olive oil & slip n slide, text me 911.
Randomize
