I've never had a man I enjoyed more than steak
Fuck the gym. I just shaved m'cooch and my pants now fit looser.... Dont judge me.
Got hit on at a funeral service by cougar. I think I just got Reverse Will Ferrell'd.
I have got to stop getting laid on my lunch breaks. I AM SO HUNGRY RIGHT NOW.
He was drinking wine out of a pyrex measuring cup at two in the afternoon and told me my ass looked fantastic in my sweatpants. I love university
Would you get mad if I held a "how many dick pics can you get in one night" competition with my friend?
I may have farted on a group of children. It may not have been an accident.
I think I just snorted head and shoulders by mistake.
Yeah...don't think he was sober. He kept screaming "I fucking love this game!". It was his Chase app.
2 six inch heels, 3 big sangrias, no broken legs
holy shit the woman im hooking up with is closer to my moms age than my own
Is it bad that if I found out I couldn't have kids I'd be more pissed that I've been using unnecessary condoms than the fact that I'll never be a mother?
excused from jury duty. THAT hungover...
I swear to god my spidey sense only tingles when someone’s about to die or you’re being a hoe.
You know your life has gone off the rails when waking up in a Spanish hospital with alcohol poisoning and no memory of how you got there is not even your top wildest drinking story.
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