can "i'm close!" be our safe word(s)?
oh geez, wrong person.
since when did accompanying a guy to a wedding mean that anal was required that night?
Sometimes I worry for your future but then I remember how big your boobs are.
I thought about farting is his face when he was going down on me last nite.
just saw a couple drunkenly stumble over to the family planning aisle of Walgreens. inspiring.
Honestly, your dog is in better hands with that homeless guy.
Just gave some kid head in the library. Perfect way to end the semester.
I just remembered you had me meet your law professor while I was wasted...how'd that go?
Well I could just do a roadtrip and hit them all. Slut tour 2012.
On my way, five mins. Is the line long? Do you think they will they hold a pumpkin at coat check?
My night started to turn around the time I started calling her a "raggedy cunt".
Somehow she got that I meant it as a term of endearment.
My life has come to reading articles about dating an ex heroin addict. I'm doing well.
Ugh why can't people just be grateful for my penis
I just fell down my stairs, guess that's how my sunday is gonna go
It was pretty awesome. I drank out of a stein and attempted to dance to dubstep with some older guys in leiderhosen.
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