hanging on that rope, lady gaga looks exactly like a used tampon
all i know is that if they can hide that much blood in her outfit, they definitely could have hid a penis
you kept slapshing your drinks on people saying the power of christ compels you.
There comes a time in a man's life when he's almost thirty he just needs to stop watching Degrassi. This is that time.
If im still in the bathroom puking when the sirens go off please distract the cops.
there are casual beer cans in all of the public trashes, i belong here
I was told my cock was a religious experience.
I fucking love my neighbors. I offered him chocolate and somehow it turned into a sexual proposition.
Nothing screams fatass like a pizza that doesn't fit in your car
Sexual Frustration City, population: Me.
I just tried to give a picture of a dude a blowjob. through my computer screen. I was leaning forward with my mouth open and everything so WALK AWAY
Just discovered evidence of drunken eBay bid. Drunk Mike did pretty good -- I'm getting a new sleeping bag.
I'm going to avoid eye contact because my old high school English teacher is not who I feel like seeing after I just had a dick in my mouth
I threw up in a flower pot outside the bar last night and have a date tonight....I think I missed something
There is a video on my phone of me suckling a bag of wine from your crotch area while you say "The Body of Christ" in a Michigan accent. I vaguely remember being offended by this yet I did it anyway.
Fyi - we're going to be eating those sandwiches in bed when you get home.
My ass is in a myriad of pain right now
Lesson learned - Taco Bell before a long night of BDSM is a BAD idea
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