I'm curled up in a ball on the floor of my office with the lights off. I hope no one notices. No more open bar. Woof.
dude, the building's fire alarm was going off for over an hour last night and you didn't move
that's ok, when I'm passed out drunk I'm impervious to flame
Her parents hate her and she's on like major lockdown. All her friends are in jail and she has massive pit stains. Dude... It doesn't get much worse than that.
I coulnt tell if he was cumming or if I was throwing up
He bought me a flower. He's totally getting head every day for a week.
Don't worry we did the "promise to get an abortion" handshake
So to distract myself from jackies vomiting, im making up a story in my head. It's called the little penis that could
It was one of those "wake up holding a random metal flower" kind of nights.
He told me he deactivated his facebook because his girlfriend caught him wackin it to my profile picture.
10 points to you
Pack light, we're going straight to bar from the train. No place to put our shit.
Dude all I'm bringing is my dick and a phone charger.
WHY IS FOOD SO DELICIOUS
BECAUSE SCIENCE
It was weird, because he kept shaking his head like he was motorboating me...but on my vagina.
Only thig bad about that muscular chick from the gym is she liked it so rough I had to bust out a few wrestling moves from highschool
Sometimes the gods of alcohol choose to take you on a mysterious journey and you just have to go with it
My mom just used the chap stick I used right after giving him a blow job. I am a horrible daughter :(
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