Alli causes anal leakage. You can find someone to like you if you are fat but no one will like you if you poop yourself.
Guess who got arrested for public drunkiness, and called jimmy johns for the entire station last night instead of someone to bail me out? The cop that arrested me drove me home. Win.
birth control should be required to get into college
i was about to rearrange the room but realized that this is the only efficient setup where we can have sex while the other one's asleep without them accidentally seeing.
did i paint my nails blue or do i need to make a trip to the ER?
it's not like i was drunk to the point of NEEDING help...i just wanted someone to offer to hold my hair or something.
the only thing you and i have in common is the we like weed and looking at my naked body.
Where was Alyssa when you were sniffing the bouncer?
Passed out on some guy who looked like someone from Duck Dynasty.
well don't blame me. sometimes vibrators go missing and people get angry. these things happen
you made a mix containing mostly whiskey. then you took a sip, gagged and yelled "perfect!"
I work 80 hours a week to prevent myself from just laying in bed and masturbating all day. It's a hands off strategy.
I told him I might be pregnant and he said he'd buy me a test and a twix bar. I'm marrying him. Tomorrow.
I'm just bringing him "breakfast," and breakfast may lead to lunch and dinner, but that doesn't mean I want the mealplan.
Can you dump a guy for having pierced nipples or is that shallow?
Do you think he will let me wear my neck fan while he throws my back out?
Please shut the fuck up.
Randomize
