We walked 2 miles, legit 2 miles, and purchased 7 half gallons. One for each of us. Intense
he just asked if i would like him to change his diet so his jizz tastes better. keeper? i think so.
this party is like a fast-foward into the future when im 40 and married with children
Whats the opposite of morning wood? Whatever its called, everyone saw it when it fell out.
I don't remember coming home but there is cereal EVERYWHERE
just got double teamed by two guys I will be on beach patrol with this summer. six months until the season starts and I'm already 'that girl.'
This escort grabbed my boyfriends ass and it became clear, he fucked pretty much anything he could find prior to dating me.
Uggh answer your phone, you are the only one I know who'll be proud of what I woke up next to this morning .
Dude, Donte totally wants it. I don't have any idea how I do it. I'm not even cool. I'm not even the hero Gotham deserves. I'm barely high. My hands are swelling. Want me to pick you up anything from five guys?
Next time she asks for a ride to her "cousins" house and it turns out to be a booty call we're charging her for each mile.
Check 'smoke weed with our ihop waiter' off of our To-Do List
you were holding her above your head singing Circle of Life in what i assume was a Simba reference. then she smacked her head on a bar light and the bouncers kicked you out
He smoked and I was tired so left before we did anything. I literally left him high and dry.
I think I'm just gonna exercise my lungs and fingers. With bong hits and crochet. BECAUSE I AM A REAPONSIBLE ADULT DAMMIT!!
I just walked in on Joel doing a buck naked tripod headstand in front of the mirror so he could see the bug bite on his balls
Randomize
