We should write a comic book about the many adventures of your vagina. Maybe even give it a cape or something.
I brought my laptop into the bathroom so I can facebook while vomiting. New low?
Man THE POSTAL SERVICE is awesome when I'm high..... But they suck when I'm sober.
george bush was a better president for first pitches than barack obama. there. i said it.
No stds, not pregs, and lost two pounds. I'd call that a successful two years of grad school.
ill do whatever it takes for me to get more high and eat pie
I'm still tasting pancake mix. I think this may actually be a serious medical problem...
admittedly, it's a little weird getting relationship advice from the mother of a former one night stand. but she's a wise lady and she buys me drinks, so i'm ok with it.
I am pretty sure they consider me one of the "bros". They compliment girl's racks to me and are the human forms of dick-be-gone. They won't sleep with me more than once cause it's "weird", or let any "untrustworthy boys" sleep with me and I still help them get laid. Not...fair...
Nothing says I'll be 22 tomorrow like washing the vomit out of your hair at 4pm
You know I ate twenty hot dogs in an hour once.
I am honestly so surprised you are a lesbian.
We inadvertently arrived at the strip club on Bear Night. The dancers all look like young Santa Claus and there's a buffet....
Just had a threesome with a married couple.
Stop living my dream.
Dude if I had a dollar for everytime she asked me to do weird shit with her when we were fucking I'd have like 4$
You know it was a good dinner party when one of the guests broke their finger and no one can remember how it happened.
Randomize
