The lesbians are drunkenly meowing in the hallway again. This is the shit I'll miss at home.
I prob couldn't even get his attention if I had a dick growing out of my forehead
Well I disagree, 3 different men in my bed over my birthday was the perfect way to say goodbye to my childhood innocence
Wanna go watch Transformers and scream "AMERICA!"? I need a no thought activity
Fantastic. I'm pretty cold, tired, dirty, and hungry, but that comes with an adventurous weekend. Who needs a wallet or keys anyway? I could totally be homeless.
Seriously, come get him. He's not even a person anymore. He's a loud, drunk, cock-blocking wrecking ball.
But is that really the name you want to scream out during climax?
we tried to exchange flip flops in the parking lot and fell over then army crawled home
Opted for cash back rather than the 10% extra I'd get for store credit, solely for drinks tonight.
You're lovely.
I baked a frozen pizza completely, put it back in the plastic and box, and put it back in the freezer. THAT drunk.
And no one can masturbate with the sound of Bernie's voice in the background
I told him I want him to read me my Miranda rights while he's fucking me. Act exactly like he does while he's on duty except with his dick out.
i'm in a very strange mood rn i'm listening to bruno mars??? am i ok????
just drove past - why are you walking towards the shop in your pyjamas?
Can't talk, on a quest for bacon.
There will be plenty of opportunity for me to sexualize Mike via VenMo.
Randomize
