Down at cameli's and some homeless dude just pulled out a taser. Awesome.
i got so high last night i cried hysterically for like 5 minutes because i dont have any superpowers
You should ask if we are margaritasing tomorrow. and yes i did just turn that into a verb
Just peed in a urinal with another girl. It's that kind of night.
It's like leaving me for his wife wasn't enough. He had to give me an STD too.
In conversation she brought up that she slept with Tucker Max on the UF football field
I DON'T WANT TO DEMONSTRATE MY DICK TAKING ABILITIES WITH MY MOM THERE.
First of all guys don't have walks of shame. Secondly there is nothing more epic than riding the skytrain in a toga while everyone else is going to work
I said "I am wrapped in the Cocoon Of Comfort! You should go." He started to argue and I yelled "COCOON OF COMFORT!!!" silencing him
You're a five foot adderall and caffeine fueled ball of sexual frustration and suppressed rage. It's only a matter of time before you snap. We're taking bets on when.
Someone broke in while we were at the bars, window is shattered but nothing got taken
Noone broke in, matt tried to pull a tyrese and punch through the window... were at the hospital.
We are horrible
Yeah but we're also awesome
I left the party 20 min ago..just thought i would tell you so you wouldnt think i fell in the lake again
For some reason, my alarm clock was unplugged & in the kitchen microwave. I don't remember doing that...
that may or may not have been my penis.
Randomize
