Forget abc fam drinking games. Take a shot everytime Tyra says I and you'll be dead by the first commercial
Dude I just heard my boss singing from the bathroom "I love making poop"
Knee deep in strippers, everything is comped. will try hard to be there at 8. i promise.
Met the five year old's gym teacher for next year. He is an old drinking buddy and I used to fuck his older brother. It was like a walk of shame 20 years late.
Would it be safe to assume you're the one that left my front door wide open and left yourself a trail of jaeger drops to find your way back?
please visit steve this weekend, he is getting mature and responsible and shit which scares me.
I dislocated my rib eating pizza. I think I am broken.
There is a nerf war going on here. I just cleaned the blood out of the fridge
We are winners. And by winners I mean home wrecking sluts
Isn't that what our 20s r for?? Testing the strength of other people's shitty relationships?
Scary. I thought trees were a lie and that someone ha permanently stenciled them into my life. No joke.
Why do I have a missed call from "The Anaconda" ?
Something about being drunk at 1pm chasing seagulls on the beach while it's raining is very calming
I spent the last 6 months operating under the assumption that I HADNT fucked a paramedic. I was wrong.
I'm sorry I tried to spit drugs down your throat like a baby bird last night.
I think I hear the ice cream truck
I could be going crazy though
NO IT IS THE ICE CREAM TRUCK IT'S ALMOST AT YOUR STOP
Randomize
