I have a feeling we are going to become cougars together.
just saw a prosititute with a baby stroller...question is...if the baby wakes up is the blow job free?
I am in shape. i keep telling you that.
Round is not "in shape," it's "a shape."
it tastes like there's a party in my mouth and everyone is throwing up
I think I deserve the nobel peace prize for discovering that one should smoke before drinking instead of drinking before smoking.
Somehow last night, my dad got me so drunk that I ended up throwing up on the couch, turning the cushions over to hide it, and going to sleep on them.
He just did blow off my nipples. He's not serious about his girlfriend.
Does your throat ever get sore from being choked too hard or do u think I'm just getting sick??
Jazzercise themed birthday pub crawl. 6 bars in 6 hours.everyone was a hot mess.
We need to get you laid. Or i fear you might explode like a firework of sexual innuendos and unfulfilled erotic fantasies.
The guy at the ER said it was the first time he's given stitches for a funneling accident. Then he seemed upset that I took pride in that...
... Cuz there's nothing like having your two male roommates catching you have a good cry in the driveway at 9am on a Wednesday.
The smoothie place is closed, but the liquor store is open and wine is kinda like a smoothie.
You win. I am a lesbian who maybe slightly jaded. I didn't mean to throw the knife at you head.
Look. All I'm saying is that if the USWNT can win a shit ton of medals and have two gay love stories with happy endings, there's still hope in this world
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