So bad night, ended up beating off to porn and eating Keebler elf cookies.... at the same time :-(
You can't motorboat a personality
Desperate + desperate does not equal a fun night.
My boogers are black from last night. So that's either from all the colored hairspray or inhaling all of the tragedy from the party...
How can it be called memorial day weekend....I don't even remember this weekend
I'm sitting on the patient chair, waiting for my vagina to be violated & "i don't want to miss a thing" has been playing on repeat. WHY IS THIS HAPPENING TO ME.
I just watched a girl in the library pull a vodka bottle out of her bag. I think I'm going to give her my number.
After the second day the hotel realized I wasn't responsible enough to have a comforter, so they took it for the rest of the trip.
No amount of marijuana is enough to justify blood on my ceiling
I dont even think your gonna like what I got you for christmas. If not we can take it back and get drugs.
No more stories ab the wkend for co-workers... No one else found "and I didn't have pants on when I got home Saturday night" as funny as I did.
Who doesnt want to be Yoda? I mean seriously, how sweet would that be? Live to 400, not give a shit about love and all that, know fucking mind tricks and smoke awesome swamp weed. I'm down.
Burritos, beer, and hot tub sex. Merry Christmas to me.
That's why god made go-pro's and tequila
Booty called 3 guys from my hospital bed
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