Jason just peed on the potty all by himself!!
"omg awesome!, you do realize we aren't together anymore"
just found out there is no tactful way to ask your girlfriend to wax her stache. no matter what a google search would have you believe.
alex threw up in my bong. i'm going to call it a night.
My mom just blew pot smoke into my nose and called me a cat.
Also pregame at mine tomorrow?
if i find out your the one who pierced my belly button im going to fuck your sister again
Dude, you were so wasted she couldn't wait. She was grinding your face while you were passed out in the yard.
Just watched a guy get through airport security with a full bottle of captain morgan. In my head the entire airport cheered.
Well to me, someone is not really my friend until we go to a mcdonalds drunk at 4am. It's like a right of passage
I just want to nap and funnel a bottle of wine in a cute dress
Never thought I'd say this, but getting head from a skeleton was better than I thought. Happy Halloween
I think he knows I took a picture of him. Why I don't get punched in the face more often is anyone's guess.
I've pulled 4 ticks off of me. This is the last time I suck dick in the wild.
So nothing to worry about, but i'm probly going to jail soon, just thought i should let you know so you didn't worry. Bye!
There’s a special place in hell for tall guys with small dicks
Why can't he see that I don't want a slow getting to know you period? I just want to bone. NOW.
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