Do brothers usually kiss their sisters?
I told my ex i loved him and then he sent me a picture of this girl laying on his bed.
I will fight anything that is not spinning right now
I'm so glad I got to use the word gutterslut before 11:00a today.
just watched my roommates get stoned and jury rig a pulley system to pass the bowl back and forth across the room.
In other news, shitting yourself is not an acceptable way to start a Thursday.
This Halloween will be different. I'm just here to get shitfaced, not troll around looking for slutty nun pussy.
I wanna fuck that hideous moustache right off your face. get the confetti ready for the festivities
My brother walked up to us as we were making out and was like "hey man, go to town!" and winked
I would totes reciprocate the nip pic, but I'm sick with a piece of tissue shoved up one of my nostrils and I'm just not feeling that ambitious. Sorry.
He texted me at 2am telling me to come get my American flag from his place, if that's not code for sex idk what is
I haven't heard from him yet. He's either still asleep (which is entirely plausible..... There wasn't much sleeping happening last night) or he's robbing me blind. But I have renters insurance, so either way, I'm ok with it.
I'm trying to behave my vagina this week so I can at least pretend I'm honoring the sanctity of marriage
You know you gave a quality blow job when you have to ice your neck and jaw the next day.
Uhm I have a bottle of tequila, a gallon of orange juice, and leggings. Now ask me again how hard im going? And that doesn't cover tomorrow.
Randomize
