Mario Lopez is the poor mans Ryan Seacrest
I was so high I couldn't tell if they were goosebumps or herpes.
Sometimes, in the course of human events, people get lit on fire.
Just found out that wake n bake is not one of the 7 habits of highly effective people..
does drinking everclear count as brushing your teeth? because i think they are sterilized
oh my god i just remembered the cat blow jobs.
After we smoked, the cops questioned us but i just asked if he wanted to join our basketball team.
All I want in life is to get high, take a shower, and him to go down on me. Simultaneously. That's legit my idea of heaven.
You know the party's good when you say "Never have I ever caused an emergency landing" and someone drinks
And you seriously thought you could just walk in naked with a bow tied around your penis?
It seemed like a good idea at the time...
He showed up to my apt at 6am wearing a suit and holding a bag of coke....how could I not let him in?
so horny i almost want to text him..and then i remember the restraining order i have against him
You talk the same way I hallucinate.
HIDE THE INFLATABLE PENIS
Taking one of the loudest shits ever at work and I have to say...I'm having a better time than I thought I would
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