the only thing i knew about you is that u dated jordan and were potentially interested in a threesome
i don't care who i fucked last night, until im at 43plus im not considering myself slutty
he likes ron paul.... that's all i'm going to say....
He doesn't need a wingman, he needs a miracle
Hangovers were designed by God when he decided that so far he had taken it WAY TOO EASY on me.
She nearly killed the mood when she said "Don't cum on my spray tan"
He bought me a pink rose and a Plan B. I really like this guy.
Walt I've been the third wheel taking shotssssssssssssssssolo. Each s is for each solo shot.
Hey, this is a mass text. I have a hospital bill from November, and I don't know from what. Did anyone bring me to the hospital on a drunken night that I don't remember...?
i was sitting in the back of a squad car completely stoned watching airplanes take off
We poured all the Fireball on the Slip and Slide and long story short I have two black eyes.
Walked into the bathroom and saw a Minion eating out Harley Quinn so this Halloween will be hard to top.
I can't believe you cupped pat's balls to prove your fake relationship
do you think mom is upset that i left with the stripper from her bachelorette party last night?
Never thought I'd see the day when I got assless chaps in the mail, and yet here we are...
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