hey im gonna send you a picture of my dinner
if its a picture of your dick again we are no longer friends
It's all fun and games until the last slice of pizza gets bong water spilled on it.
I think I should become a real estate agent in th friend zone I know the place so well
For some reason I have a hard time believing getting drunk and recreating a movie about singing transvestites is ever very far from a situation you're in.
Sometimes you gotta take the crosseyed stripper. fuck it
Whatever. I indirectly made you cum overseas. Call it even.
Mega depressed bro. Had the greatest sex with the hottest girl I've ever seen and in the AM she gave me that look I've given dozens of times. I'm her drunken fat chick fuck
She ditched her BF in the library to come see me wasted at a house party and i still ended up banging that rugby chick instead.
that's how you measure success
By how bad my vagina hurts on a Tuesday morning while I'm trying to figure out how I got white girl wasted on a Monday?
Thanks for being my pregnancy scare Sherpa...
And on the first day of my adult job, I matched with one of my co workers on tinder...
When the hubs wants to wear his training mask during sex and pretend to be Bane you just go with it.
STOP SENDING ME NAKED PICTURES WHEN I'M TRYING TO TEACH. MONDAY TUESDAY 1-3 IS A DICK AND ARSE FREE ZONE
I took a picture of you last night while you were drunk, trying to smoke a bowl through your nose. It's now your contact id.
I lost my wolf penis dildo in my garage. I should probably find it before I resume my garage sale tomorrow...
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