how many times in life can you be kicked out of a pizza buffet for vomiting on the food and insulting small children
i love that he's uncircumcised. it makes handjobs so much easier. it's the lazy susan of penises.
this is like black Friday for my dealer. I'm literally standing in line.
We're lucky we aren't prostitutes by now. Whats the etiquette for returning a pair of heels with blood on them?
Dude he's your dog he doesn't love me more than you. I'm just like that cool uncle that takes him to burger king and to see girls.
He would have to make magical things happen in my nether regions to actually make me vote republican.
Why didn't you tell me I was calling her by her sisters name all night?
There's some band that practices next door to my apartment. I'm thinking we may need to check that out. I could be like, "Hey boys, thought you might like some lemonade and vagina."
just once I'd like to not pass out before we leave the designated pre-drinking place
My new hobby is moving his stuff to random places in the house. Good luck making a smoothing at 6:30 in the morning, the blender top's in the dog food container
I'll pay you back with progressively deviant sexual favors.
Can we talk about how she only slept with you because you remind her of a member of a K-pop group?
i swear i was one second from getting his number and then the shrooms kicked in
At least your nickname is not Plunge Slut and that nickname is not in a published thesis work
I realize ur driving andwont read this til u stop, but I'm sleeping in the bed of the pickup. Please don't hit a deer.
Randomize
