I just beat off to a cartoon porn video. what has my life come to
Just got to costco. Where are you?
Liquor aisle, bring another cart.
Okay, lets just agree to keep all cutlery related activities to a minimum.
No... No really he actually thought the condom was meant for his hand...
I want her autograph on my taint
So was I the only one that was competing in the whale hunt?
It was the textbook our-balls-touched-while-engaged-in-a-threesome-with-our-bosses-wife conversation.
It amazes and alarms me I'm not shocked to read that.
Who the fuck did i sell my right shoe to last night i need to get that back im not walking with one shoe on
I just encountered the same creepy guy I showed you, he jumped inside the dumpster screaming.
I feel like everyone in class can tell we had a threesome last weekend.
So I'm about to drive his drunk ass home and he spits on my car. Before I can say, "Dude, what the fuck?!", he puts his finger to my lips and goes "shhh, its in the past."
I may have taken the entire adderall. I FEEL LIKE THE FUCKIN HULK. I can't stop cleaning and organizing and doing the clean things
So after the absinthe shots_____(fill in the blank area for me please)......
I always knew I would be boring and die in an Uber.
You should probably come home from vacation now. I make badddd decisions when you're gone.
Randomize
