I wore my underwear in the shower just in case i passed out and you had to come in and get me
He just walked up to be, grabbed my boob and said 'i think they have shrunk' i have no idea who he was.
Apparently she buried shit in the snow back in January and now that it's melted I found a flip flop, 4 spoons, a bottle of smirnoff, and 14 different candy bars
Haha pretty bummed I didn't stay night yesterday after the bj fest you described
She sat on the stairs and yelled sex positions at us. I don't remember if we went along with it but judging by the beer and condoms I'm thinking yes.
It's like even though I'm not in college anymore my body still knows it's September and is putting itself into competitive binge drinking mode.
81 degrees in april.... Thinking margaritacicles, you in?
more embarrassing than that time i showed up to class in my hoodie and leggings because i over slept, and then as i zipped my hoodie down i realized i didn't sleep with a bra on or a shirt
Tell me I'm the only person you know who could punch someone at the bar, get escorted out, smoke a cig with the cop who almost arrested me AND get the security guy who escorted me out to buy me drinks.
You chucked an empty vodka bottle against the wall and yelled "Everyone calm the fuck down, it's just the cops." After 10 seconds of silence I looked over and saw you pissing their fountain.
you know you're a stoner girl when you get a callus from your grinder
And you said I'm not athletic, I rubbed one out with my sports band on, it's the same as walking 1/4 mile.
I know it's my dream I got hurt enough to leave work but not hurt enough to stop drinking
I learned three things this morning. Don't get out of my car without my keys, don't let a girl paint my nail unless I'm getting laid by said girl, and lastly I learned how to break into my own car.
condom fairy costume came in handy...we were making out in my living room and he wanted it so i took a condom off the costume and we did it right there...with my tutu still on....
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