I can only masturbate in one position. It's very inconvenient.
I really think my calling is to star in a Live Links commercial
My cousin's wedding had personal beer funnels for each table and a drinking game against the bride and groom. im sorry for ever calling you white trash
I think i found piece of your tooth in my dick this morning when i took a shower
So add panera bread to the places i love to eat that i am potentially banned from.
I just imagined your drunkass eating Taco Bell in my living room. This is the Godmother of my potential child.
i put his shirt in a ziplock bag to preserve his smell
please tell me you are kidding me
i'm about to say screw it and get drunk in the hotel by myself
It's 2 pm, at least sit by the pool...
She apparently grabbed another girl and pulled her into the shower fully clothed. When the girl was like "you need to stop" she curled up into a ball and refused to leave.
Whoa, you know how to pick em.
We can't tell anyone we fucked because I'm still trying to get with your friend. Is she coming next weekend?
note to self: shower sex when you have 7 stitches in your leg is never a good idea. never.
Can you tell me why Star Wars Burlesque is pulled up on my phone from last night?
His encouragement of my recreational drug use is the backbone of our nonrelationship. That, and rough animal sex and loud music.
The cop looked me right in the eye and apologized for cock blocking me.
Have you ever got so drunk that you tasted the future?
Randomize
