I'm a grown ass woman and I'm sitting in bed eating pizza at 4:30 a.m. BFD, right?
i just thanked the atm machine for giving me cash
Dipping chips in queso and thinking of your beautiful face
how soon is too soon to introduce handcuffs into a relationship?
Sam from lord of the rings is 10 yards away from me, i am creaming myself.
dude it was like an art museum there were boobs everywhere
I'd like to personally thank you for not letting anyone puke in any of the salad bowls this time
We glued Jenga blocks together, called it "magic blocks" and sold it to the stoners for $50 and a bottle of Henny
They were going around the house breaking things and screaming "Not my house!"
I am not apologizing for rubbing my balls on your leg...that is a risk you take when you come out to the bar with me
If by any chance I go to the hospital make sure you stuff a pint in my pockets so I can keep up.
Spotted: shirtless guy wearing cut-off hot shorts, 1 cowboy boot and a sombrero puking in a bush while his friend yelled 'stop being a bitch" from the sidewalk'. Happy 4th of July 'merica!
New fact of life: getting Becca high never helps any situation at all ever.
He shit in the fireplace
I didn’t eat all day. Got really drunk at a bruins game and puked in a random dunkies cup on the T
If that doesn’t scream I’m from New England, I don’t know what does
Randomize
