I was just like staring at the lawn boy while singing "You Belong With Me".
I am the king of creep.
I lost my virginity in that bed. You just layed in history.
Truelife: I made out with my ex-boyfriend's girlfriend this weekend. Thank you Captain Morgan...
Was she wearing cherry chapstick??
No. Life's not always a fairytale.....
I love memorial day. It's drinking in the name of patriotism. God Bless America
the paramedic just looked at me like "you again?"
Doubtful. That seems irresponsible. The 4th will kill you if you stopped drinking until then. Let's think logically.
I ran into the bouncer who kicked me out of that beach bar a few months ago. I told him I'd only been thrown out of two other places since then. He was proud.
I was kind of torn between "Wow, this is awkward," and "Wow, my therapist is hung."
He ran over from the bar to give me more singles because the stripper was doing gymnastics on me. He is a really great friend, just probably not the best boyfriend.
I was going to do a cardio thing but then tacos.
I want to buy weed from this guy on Tinder but I'm not sure I should trust him...but it's free delivery
The next time you scream bombs away when you are inside me will be the last time you are inside me
High me is so sweet. She left not-high me a fortune from a fortune cookie and 6 packets of soy sauce in my tampon drawer.
I really wish you were home bc youre the only friend I could ask to use an at home waxing kit on my vagina. I need you.
They left me at home... I'm a liability
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