I am so horny I keep driving over the rumble strips... best half hour ever.
at a bonfire and someone threw a plastic cup in the fire. everyone immediately stopped what they were doing to yell collectively at him about what he was doing to the environment, then went back to drinking
only in oregon
I'm officially my mother.. Smoking in the garage pretending to take the dog out in a big ugly jacket
It is 8 o'clock in the morning and there is already blood all over one of the stalls in the bathroom. What has your St. Patrick's day done for you?
No i dont need Magnum Condoms, that would be like putting MC Hammer pants on my dick
Sometimes I think that I have too much self esteem
Then I realize that I'm just really fucking pretty.
So my date night ended with us watching porn with his roommate.
All you have to do is speak. Your voice reverberates strait to my vagina.
He walked into the pizza shop... Pulled the fire alarm.. And proceeded to dance to it...
He better not be in your backpack
Is it too early to get staydrunk at 1pm on Friday for Monday's St Patty's day
and then I partied with my new dealers deaf pit bull. All around a good night I'd say...
how don't worse things happen to you?
Not my fault people bought me shots. waving a shot in my face is like waving a cock in yours
...Just hit my fuck buddy with my car.
No we didn't talk. I was high and doing naked yoga in the living room when she walked in so it was just awkward. I didn't even know my dad had a girlfriend.
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