I'm home now. bring me food and boobies
He about cried when I ordered pizza online. He said it was a miracle.
Just found out you can rent the rollerena for 100 bucks and you can bring your own beer... when are you free this week?
I like that most of our conversations somehow end in us having sex for the good of our country
you screamed santa and jumped in front of 50 kids to tell him you wanted a bong for christmas.
He offered me a ride home but i walked. He lives by an elementary school so a 10 yr old safety officer helped me across the street during my walk of shame
I think theres a high possibility i could be flammable.
theres a wall by my room thats like, a prime fucking wall. before i move out SOMEBODY is gonna fuck me on that wall, goddamnit.
i'm not sure when i reached "slam my own hand in the door" status but my half attached fingernail is not grateful.
That guy drinking savagely was actually at his buddy's gay bachelor party in the male stripper section. He came over to the chicks side so we drank with him.
He had some sort of penis-related post traumatic stress disorder, but body shots seemed to wake him up
The other day I was really high and I felt like my words were coming out of my mouth in flowers...I don't know.
"YOU A2TE UNDERAGE LOL" Got that at 2am. Gotta stop dating alcoholics.
I'm not the kind of girl that sleeps with someone else's boyfriend. But I'm getting waxed just in case I change my mind...
We just fucked in the park on a bench and a guy with a dog walked past us and the dog walked right up to us while the guy stared at his phone.
It still amazes me Mike had to have neck surgery after eating me out so much.
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