then for some reason i googled "how much to buy a cannon"
I didn't think moms care packages could get better than greygoose, weed & double stuffed oreos, but she just snet me a chocolate bar full of mushrooms.
I'm at your house, laying with your dog, eating taco meat, take your time.
She made me take my shoes off outside her room but she didn't make me wear a condom. I am confused.
I feel like everytime I call him he's either fucking or getting into trouble. It's really disturbing that he presses the answer button and then proceeds to fuck her harder.
Dude id rather jerk off w a fist full of bee's than deal with that girl that never stops talking.
The best part about passing out on the floor was the fact that when I pissed myself, I didn't piss the bed again.
In your drunken glory you promised me, tongue, 12 naked pics, and 1,800 breakfasts.
I guess I was blacked out I hopped a fence and hugged a cow that night.
Would you still love me if my nipple fell off?
My sweat smells like Wild Turkey. I'm really feeling the holiday spirit.
That's it. I'm moving to LA & sitting on his face.
Omg my brain. Most recent thought: I fucking prayed in the bathroom that the other girl would leave. Prayed to Jesus
Told a guy at the bar I was hurricane evacuees with no place to stay. Just woke up at his place. God bless Florence
I'm sorry you had to knock him out on your birthday. But that also means I won the bet that you'd hit someone so you owe me 40. dollars
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