walked into a party last night, i saw 3 ex gfs standing in a circle talking to each other...that's the quickest u-turn i've ever made in my life.
When the cops knocked on the door, he just knocked back and announced "house keeping"
Beer lympzucs are ki7lling me
im shotgunning beers in the kitchen. alone. the cat is judging me.
Happiness for him is a different happiness than you can supply cuz you have life standards, morals and goals that dont include the bar or beer everynight.
the repo guy said it was the first time he'd ever started to repo a car with someone fucking inside of it. he might have said 'doing it' instead.
Ten minute nap on a staircase honey badger don't care
I love you. Mom got to wasted at the wedding that she threw up on my shirt.
Every girl my sister has brought home from college I've had sex with, check and mate motherfucker
I feel like I'm laying on a pillow cloud. With little baby angel fingers between me and the cloud lifting me up. Singing hymns in my ear.
He said it wasn't ladylike of me to drink more whiskey than him. I told him to stop being a little bitch.
Ok I'm drunk as fuck already at 529 and this waitress started flirting with me, I wanna bang her for acknowledging my existence
I think I'm actually too depressed to do drugs, wow.
Tomorrow night, I am putting you In my trunk. No excuses we have waited forever for this.
On a scale of 1 to alcoholic in withdrawal how ready will you be to start drinking as soon as you arrive on campus?
He has fairy lights round his bed.. And played Jamie cullum when we had sex... Hes batting for the other team right?
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