I gave my ex the dutch oven last night. How was your night?
alright she left, finally time to fart up the room
so I got guilt tripped into giving her a new years kiss, and she proceeded to try and eat my face while mounting me. when you give a mouse a cookie...
when we went to bed he asked me to hold his penis so he knew i was there for him
Dont tell her I prefer to have an aura of mystique surronding me and my penis.
Yo I found your batman costume.... It was in my pool with a shitload of beer cans
I FINALLY HAVE A REASON TO DYE MY PUBES BLUE!!!
I. Did. In fact. Sprain. My liver. This. Weekend.
I still have your make up all over the inside of my thighs from the face sitting. Free tonight?
I wish I could be happy with a nice Christian girl, but no, I need a hot mess who starts bar fights
Well, we ended up labeling the relationship. We are now each other's designated butt-toucher.
I just licked a piece of cheese off my phone screen if that makes you feel any better
i was asked to be gay of honor by three different girls and NONE of the groomsmen at any of the weddings is open to experimenting. i mean whats the point then.
My concern for you and peanut butter is the reason I am still awake.
Wow. I want to climb Santa. You've made my mind go places I wasn't prepared to explore.
Randomize
