The funny thing is... I'm about to go to the store to buy WD-40 and condoms... That's it.
And before you ask they are unrelated purchases.
I swear I am going to pee, wipe my vag with my hand, and then slap you in the face with it.
Mom found my vibrator. all the said was 'wow, I've never seen one like this before.'
we don't live in the stone age anymore, mom
just ate frosted cheerios in coffee with some marshmellows. the college diet begins
She is two pictures of justin bieber away from being blocked from my news feed
I totally need to blow more fat guys. His cum tasted like vanilla ice cream
I paid some man $10 for his shirt last night cause I liked it. Explains that. Bought the jackolope head from a street vendor. Got invited to someone's hotel rooftop swimming pool which explains why I was in my bathing suit. My clothes from last night are MIA. Going over the border with no pants on is awkward. Origins of the car rim still mysterious.
Ok! I picked up an anti-celebratory bottle of champagne on the way to dinner for her going to rehab. That's how I feel about this...
i'm about to be the still-drunkest person on the ellipticals
Was there a condom involved? Because he was saying he wanted a kid. Repeatedly.
So if her brother fucks my brother, can I just tell her that anal sex is in her genes?
Eredayimstrugglin ..Can we talk about the fact that I just typed "er" and it autocorrected to that. Fuck my life.
I'm writing off my condom expenses in my taxes
My mom just came upstairs handed me an Adderall and asked if I could help her wash the ceilings
There was puke outside of my classroom and lecture was half empty. Damn thirsty thursday is intense
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