we have to go try and show our tits so we can get ID-free drinks at applebees
im pretty sure every drug dealer is going to be able to retire the day after alice in wonderland comes out
Drunk sex destroyed my coffee table... ikea this weekend?
In line at the grocery store. The girl ahead of me is in a wetsuit and just bought 3 cases of beer and a bottle of vodka. I want to go where she's going...
we found you in the kitchen at five am trying to make a vodka omelette. you said you didn't want to live in a world where your two favourite things couldn't be together.
No like you fell onto the fence. I don't even know how you got into the fenced in area.
those were not strange pants with a really large waist band...it took me 3 days to realize I was wearing someone's sweater as pants
you strike me as the kind of person who when they spill something on their lap they take off their pants and eat it anyways. right off the crotch seam.
Did you really get up in the middle of a tattoo to go get Taco Bell?
I'm coming right back.
Watching boy meets world, drinking left over pink panty droppers and coloring in a my little pony coloring book. This is my Monday night
Not only did she fulfill a life long dream of mine of banging in a library, she bought me subway for lunch. I feel like I got the best gold star ever today.
I'm too drunk to explain this to you. It's too hard.
Look, if a guy shows up at your house. He's short, name is Logan, has weird vertical hair, let him in, give him food, and a place to stay. He's on a ver important mission. And I am he. as he is me and we are all together. And we are the eggman, goo goo gajoob.
Idk... I'm not sure why anyone would use a flesh light in general. Let alone hook it up to a wifi device.
Like bruh, I’m a free range girlfriend
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