i just watched kanye west and taylor swift have a chugging contest. why cant halloween be every day
The foreigner finally woke up and the first thing he did was look up a map of the u.s. His destination is to pennsylvania.
once you have herpes you dont really care what goes in your mouth anymore.
Taking back a box of condoms is possibly the most depressing thing i've ever done
Yes my plan is to drink the college out of me so i can be an adult by monday
He made off the wall shots in beer pong, stuck the girls dog in a cooler, and played with swords with her mom. I wish I got his name
I literally used, "MY VAGINA IS TOO FANTASTIC FOR HIM TO STAY GAY" as a valid argument for attempting to fuck my gay friend.
Trying to figure out the logistics of putting my laptop speakers on this plate with the last slice of pizza. Too drunk to move the plate. Not an option.
Handcuffed our DD to a naked stripper don't think he will try to sneak out
He can pick locks you know
That's the reason for the naked stripper
Please put me on a plane and hypontize me into forgetting the little bit of last night that I do remember.
have no fear, swaggie olivia is here to bring glorious gifts and horse dick to children
High. As. Fuck. I thought the kid next to me didn't have an arm for like 2 hours.
Hahahaha I'm glad you woke me up with this text.
Normal people find beers in their gym bag, right?
They tricked me into going into that room by saying we'd smoke a bowl and then they all proceeded to have an intervention with me about my love life.
Maybe those shots of hot dog water wasn’t a good idea after killing a fifth of tequila.. but who’s askin
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