explain the missing patches of hair on my cat. now.
you're in nursing school, now tell me what to do about a burned clit.
Condom broke. Took her to CVS for plan B and parked in expectant mothers spot. I laughed.. she cried
He is offering to pay me back by sending me a dick pic.
.......................................
My thoughts exactly.
If you don't come out tonight, who's going to wake us up in the morning because they're fucking in the middle of the room where everyones sleeping?
I feel awful
Physically or morally
Physically. The only immoral thing I did was steal money from strippers while they gave me lapdances.
I just read through our messages from yesterday and realized we both referred to me tearing my penis as a good thing. What the fuck.
All I remember is sitting on your kitchen floor and playing with a banana like it was a viking ship.
"Where are you? Where are my keys? What is this guys name again? Why am I wearing two pairs of your pants?"
Then he unzipped his pants and whispers, " oohhh, look out!"
My moral compass cannot be waived by two measly bloody Mary's
Molly was fun. I was in a captain planet onesie in Wal-Mart talking to everyone haha
He said he didn't want to go down on me so I told him we were going to have an oral stalemate.
SHE MASTURBATED TO THE THOUGHT OF ME HAVING AN ALL DUDE THREESOME WITH HER EX BOYFRIENDS.
The guy in the room next to me just offered to hide the next dose of morphine he will get for his broken leg under his tongue and then swap it with me in exchange for a roll of the good toilet paper my parent brought for me last they visited. The psych ward is a lot more hardcore than I thought.
Randomize
