According to my dad, my tongue ring makes people assume I give a lot of blow jobs because, as stated by him "that's what it's for"
she just asked me to help her create a twitter page for edward cullen's hair.... seriously.
Wow. Thanks for becoming another fan of something on Facebook. You make me want to gouge my eyes out.
you haven't felt a hangover until you wake up after a night of snorting tequila.
things I have learned from cosmo today- 40% of guys are uncircumsized, you can have a beer facial, and i really need to get tested for std's
I'm drunk at the doctor. It's not that fun. Overrated in fact.
you have a cum towel under your bed, you're the definition of single
It was just a reflex. BOOM I kicked her in the face
The grocery store is a combo of ghetto ppl complaining that the low fat chips are all that's left and hipsters trying to eat organic during the hurricane
Did you just say he wants to put a baby inside me?
It was disgusting, and I would've rather licked the condensation off the windows instead, but I figured that's wasn't very ladylike
Haha, maybe if he wasn't dressed up like Kimmy Gibler he could give her the D
I party with great urgency now.
Wow. I want to climb Santa. You've made my mind go places I wasn't prepared to explore.
His dick is social distance approved
Social distance approved?
big enough for me to fuck from six feet away
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