I've been reduced to Capt. Morgan and Golden Girls reruns. Ugh.
you know it is a bad morning when you forget to brush your teeth and eat old gas x in your car because its minty...
How many ice cream sandwiches is an acceptable meal replacement?
2.5
You realize at the bar last night we blew on imaginary whistles like rose from titanic right?
did you know that if you have sex in the elevator on the way up that people can still get in?
I'm fighting fire with fire. When my parents interrogate me about what I was doing last night, I tell them the truth. Every disgusting, awkward detail. I'm 23 now and they need to get used to it.
So stoned i forgot i was in bed
Man my junk looks like a mangled grapefruit right now, this shit sucks.
I have to sanitize my nipples and its just to cold in here for it to be ok
just because the DWI class is located at the University does not make him a professor. I was duped, he is in no way, shape or form a professor!
I almost drank vegetable oil. Where were you? I needed you.
moms trying to set me up with a 28 year old. hes graduated university like im getting high in my bed and he's an adult
NOTHING IN THE WORLD IS GOOD SOFT
NOT ICECREAM NOT DICKS
NOTHING
I'm giving random strangers at the bar sips of my fishbowl, then telling them I have Ebola. It's a fun night.
I'm doing the walk of shame into my therapists office wearing his clothes...I guess go big or go home
Randomize
