you wouldnt answer to anything but devil's advocate all night.
i cleaned out my closet and found 7 beers from 2007. ive had 3 so far.
that's what penises do
they tell lies.
He's prob getting laid right now and I'm sitting alone in my duct tape shoes.
In the hospital waiting to be tested for the first uti of the school year....I'm BACK BTICHES.
I just canoed to the bar. I am a skilled drunk paddler.
I'll have you know that I'm still picking duct tape residue off my wrist from sunday
STDs are my biggest fear, besides whales. They're so fucking big.
You climbed on top of the bar, shotgunned a 25oz fosters and screamed, Steve Irwin was a God amongst men.
But don't thank me for faking being asleep, if I was the real wing man, I would have left the bed
Don't masturbate while listening to Pandora. Just came during a buffalo wild wings commercial and I feel really weird about it.
Are you alive? Cause this is my official "im actually alive" text.
Sooo, my mother is snoring, my ex is sexting me, the guy I'm having an affair with is sending me dick pics, and all I want to do is sleep!
I am far too sober to understand you right now. sorry.
She dropped the call after she told me she doesn't want to hear about how loud he can scream.
Randomize
