At least make sure they are 18
Why
Do you have any idea why the dryer isn't working?
Because you touch yourself at night.
she had condoms in her med. cabinet - magnums -I don't think I'm tall enough for this ride
When you're on the hood of a car, 10 mph feels pretty fucking fast.
All i remember before i blacked out is you pointing to a random chick and telling me to bang her for America.
Pretty certain he passed out for a while going down on me. Absolutely certain he passed out during the blow job.
I smell like booze and the valet literally buckled me in, def top 3 walks of shame
apologized to him about 10 times for being drunk. told him about 15 times that he was "really pretty"
I'm studying for my midterm by watching porn with Spanish subtitles. Surprisingly the words are still really distracting..
Should I tell him the real reason I was in the hospital, or should I just keep him thinking the side effect he thought was in for was allergy related, not I just miscarried the child I didn't know we were having?
I have to pee in a cup in the morning and they are going to say....you just peed a miller light. I'm going to hang my head in shame and say yes...yes I did.
Smoking a bowl in nothing but a flamingo thong.
Who brings nunchucks to a funeral?
With my son watching me, I pulled down my pants and shit in her trash can.
I love how we can bond over the fact that we're the only ones who think the guy I drunk hooked up with looks like Voldemort
Randomize
