good news, i'm not pregnant. bad news, i had sex with ***** last night and i think i'd rather be pregnant
The look your mother gives you when she sees you masterbating on web cam is unlike any I've seen before, but this is a case where, I would say, ignorance is bliss.
My cleaning lady broke my bubbler. It's awkward between us now.
Why?
Because she knows I do drugs and I know she's a clumsy bitch.
now I know why they wanted me to come. apparently gay guys are stripper magnets
I know. They started calling me The Incident. The hotel maids, that is.
FYI...Jose likes Shamrock shakes better than Jack
whoa! who said he's my boyfriend?
Oops. Sorry. That guy you keep accidentally running into in public. And at home. And with your vagina.
The 3 year old I'm babysitting is the first guy to tell me he loves me sober in like 2 years
I met a pornstar at his bachelor party and signed his shirt giving him wedding advice
So I got drunk last night and attempted to shave a landing strip on my vag. I now have a 8 lane highway on my crotch now. Just looks like a random ass square.
So do I get to ride the beginning of the November stache or what?
No that one bar I got kicked out of got closed so that technically doesn't count
This morning we had sex while he was wearing a full length fur jacket and sunglasses... I wasn't even phased
It's beautiful. It's what jesusxwants. I should send you a pic of my boobs out of friendship
I need to bang the neighbor boy. He’s given three women screaming orgasms this week alone.
Also, my apartment walls are too thin
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